


A Christmas Reunion

by WriterKC



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bensler, Christmas, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mending a Broken Heart, PTSD, Reunion twist, cuddling by the fire, lonely cabin, post Sealview, reunited with a letter, searching for a lost love, set in Season 13, snow-covered mountain, three-shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:27:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27842245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterKC/pseuds/WriterKC
Summary: What if instead of Elliot leaving after season twelve, it was Olivia who left? After Sealview, Olivia suddenly left the unit and moved away. Four years later, a week before Christmas, a heartbroken Elliot receives an invitation from the partner running from a tortured past.  Will it lead to more heartache or will a solution finally be found?
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Elliot Stabler
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I’m back with a Christmas fic! This will be a three-shot unless the plot bunnies have other plans. It’s a twist on the usual reunion stories. Instead of Elliot leaving after season twelve, what if Olivia left after Sealview? Set in season thirteen. Elliot is divorced and has been for quite some time as he and Olivia were in an established relationship when she left. Enjoy! Also please proceed with caution as this fic will cover what happened at Sealview. Mentions of sexual assault and attempted rape as well as PTSD, are involved that may be triggering for some. The bulk of that content will be in chapter two.

His views of Christmas had changed through the years. When he was a child it mostly consisted of his parents screaming at each other, and he and his brothers escaping to Rockefeller Center to see the tree. When they got older, they would often spend the holiday with their friends’ families. 

It became his favorite time of year when he had a family of his own and vowed to give his children a better Christmas than he ever had. Each year he tried to make better than the last. It wasn’t always easy with the demands of his job, but seeing the joy on their faces every morning, along with cookie baking, movie watching, and family togetherness made all the stress and chaos worth it. 

His kids weren’t the only ones he longed to give a better Christmas to, though. His beautiful, but lonely partner was also on that list. It broke his heart knowing how many Christmases she had spent alone wishing she had a family to be with. He invited her to spend Christmas with him, but she always politely declined. Her excuse was that she had work to do, but in reality, she thought it would be too painful. The first Christmas after he and Kathy divorced, though, she accepted because she didn’t want him to feel alone like she did. They spent the holiday on her couch with a hot chocolate, watching cheesy hallmark movies, and laughing at how ridiculous they were. It was that Christmas that he realized how deeply in love with her he was and had been for a long time. That night eventually led to talking once the movies were over, which led to a kiss when they realized they were practically cuddling on the couch. The kiss led to more talking and long-hidden feelings being revealed. They knew there was no going back and that they had to deal with all the conflict their new relationship brought. 

They had finally gotten to a good point where they could both still work in the unit despite no longer being work partners, and where his kids got over their initial upset over their parents being divorced. They loved Olivia and had always considered her a friend, so it wasn’t too hard to adjust to her because she was already an important part of their lives. 

Everything was good, until four years later when she went undercover at Sealview and never returned the same. He tried that first day to get her to open up to him, but his attempts failed. Then, the Captain dropped the bombshell that she turned in her papers and left the unit she had considered home, the colleagues she had considered family, without any explanation. When he got back to the apartment they had bought together, all her things were gone. She didn’t answer any of his calls, She simply texted him that she was sorry, and that was the last time any of them heard from her. Elliot and Fin felt the most guilt. Fin because he’d been at Sealview with her, and even though he rescued her he wished he’d gotten to her sooner. Elliot because she was his partner, the love of his life, it was his job to keep her safe, and he felt like he’d completely failed her. 

He hadn’t heard from her in four years, and it broke his heart. It also filled him with rage at the monster she had gone undercover to catch. Elliot knew  _ something _ had happened in that basement even though he didn’t know what. He had horrible nightmares for weeks about all the sick things that could have happened to the woman he loved. He knew it had to have been bad for her to leave the way she did. 

It was a week and a half before Christmas when he came home from work and saw the letter in the mail. 

_ I know it has been a while, and after the way I left, I wouldn’t blame you if you were angry and stopped caring. In case you still do, come to the return address on this envelope. I’ll explain everything. _

The letter wasn’t signed, but he would know her handwriting anywhere. He reread the note a few times just to be sure. Was his love reaching out to him again after all this time? She was wrong. He never stopped caring. He loved her so much, and even though he had been hurt a part of him understood. His heart was flooded with relief because wherever she was this note meant she was safe. He put the address she gave him in GPS and raced out the door. The drive took him to a cabin near the mountains in Stowe, Vermont. A place he’d never heard of. She had likely chosen it for that reason; isolation from the life she knew would remind her of the demons that haunted her. 

He stayed in the car for a while and tried to figure out what he would say to her. He wanted to yell at her for scaring him and breaking his heart. He wanted to apologize profusely for whatever he did to make her stop trusting him. He wanted to wrap her in his arms, kiss her, and tell her he loved her and was never letting go again. He swallowed hard and sighed, deciding he needed to just get out of the car and stop overthinking things. 

His footprints were the only ones in the snow leading up to the cabin. There were some by the mailbox that he assumed was hers. It made his heart ache that he was probably the only visitor she’d had, that she was putting up walls, and hiding away from the world like this. 

The ache in his heart grew when he noticed her blinds were closed. The hurt and frustration he’d felt towards her was declining with each step he took, replaced by a determination to be there in any way she needed him to help her heal. 

He knocked on the door gently so he wouldn’t spook her. After a couple of minutes, he heard hesitant footsteps approach the door and stop. The partner he once knew would have opened it, and if she didn’t want to deal with who it was would simply slam the door in their face. This change made him hate Lowell Harris even more than he already did. 

“Livia?” He called. He almost added ‘honey’ out of old habits, but stopped himself, not knowing where things stood between them anymore. “It’s me. It’s El.” 

A couple more footsteps were heard as he waited patiently. 

“Elliot?” Hearing his name from her voice for the first time in 4 years involuntarily brought tears to his eyes. 

He sniffled. “It’s just me.” 

He could hear her unlocking the door, and then she cracked it open hesitantly as if wanting to make sure he was real.

“You came,” He gave her a shaky smile.

“Did you really expect me not to?”

“I don’t know,” Her voice broke and his heart broke with it.

“Liv-“

“Oh, El,” She threw her arms around him, and he held her just as tight, this time unable to suppress a sob. 

“I missed you so much,” He buried his face in her hair and cradled her head against his chest. She snuggled in deeper and inhaled his scent. 

“I’m sorry,” Their tears mixed as she released a sob of her own. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Shhh...it’s ok, baby. It’s ok,” The term of endearment slipped out as he comforted her like he wished he could have after she returned from Sealview. 

“El-“

“It’s ok, We’re ok,” He soothed and her heart warmed. 

She pulled back slightly to look at him, and he pulled her into his embrace again. He placed a gentle, lingering kiss on her temple and swayed them side to side as they held each other.

“Elliot I-“

“If anyone should be apologizing it’s me. You left because I failed you. You trusted me to keep you safe, and I didn’t. I let you down.” 

“No, you-“

“I promised,” He sniffled, and it broke her heart to see the tears in his eyes. “I promised you, Livia.” He choked out. 

“Elliot,” She pulled back to cup his face, and he leaned his forehead against hers, unwilling to stop his tender caresses or let her put much space between them. “Listen to me. None of this was your fault. None of it.” 

“I-” 

“Come inside,” She wiped her eyes and took his hand. “Come get warm and have some hot chocolate.” 

Once they were in the cabin she shut the door and took his coat, hanging it on the hook next to hers. He scanned the place she’d called home for the last four years. The fireplace was on and the room looked cozy. The fact that she mentioned hot chocolate gave him hope that she was taking care of herself and eating properly. Still, his protective instinct towards her hadn’t worn off. 

“Have you eaten? Do you have enough groceries? Do you need-” She smiled at his concerned rambling. She had missed him so damn much. 

“I’m doing alright El,” She didn’t say she was ‘fine’ because she knew from experience that word wouldn’t ease his worry. “I still have good days and bad days, but I’m not as bad off as I was when I first left,” She saw a flash of hurt on his face and instantly regretted her second sentence. She didn’t want him to think the reason she was better was because of leaving him. Being away from him cut her deeper than anything else had. She ached for him every day, but she had to get away. She hoped he would understand that when she explained. “I started going to therapy last year. I found a therapist in town and I’ve been working on things. It’s helped. The nightmares and sleepless nights are still there sometimes, but I’m...I’m in a better place mentally than I was. I didn’t want to reach out to you until I was less of a mess.” 

“You think I would have cared about that!?” He tried not to yell, but suddenly four years of grief and worry hit him all at once. He was pissed at himself and her for the way she had hurt him. He was pissed at Fin for not telling him what happened at Sealview. Most of all, he wanted to  _ murder  _ Lowell Harris. Harris wasn’t here though, which meant Elliot’s agony was projected on Olivia. “Damn it Liv! I  _ loved  _ you! I was  _ in love with you! _ ” Her heart broke.  _ Loved.  _ Past tense. 

“Elliot-” He stepped closer to her and gritted his teeth. 

“Do you have any idea what has been going through my mind for the last four years!? Huh?” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I didn’t know if you were dead, if you’d been kidnapped, or gotten sick or anything! You didn’t think I’d worry?” 

“El-”

“I mean, Jesus Christ Olivia, if you needed to leave the job I would have understood! All I needed was a fucking phone call, but you couldn’t even give me  _ that!  _ I would’ve respected you needing space from our relationship. It would have hurt, but I would’ve respected it. We were supposed to be partners  _ for better or worse.  _ Yet, anytime the worst part of that happened you ran. First to Oregon and then up here. I don’t even understand what the hell I’m doing here.” 

“You can leave anytime you want.” But, she was praying he wouldn’t 

“I would have helped you. I would have been here for you no matter how bad things were. I would have done  _ anything  _ for you, Olivia,” He still would, and he hated himself for being the cause of the tears in her eyes, but he couldn’t help it. He was hurt. 

“I know,” Her voice cracked. She knew that. Of course, she did. “El you don’t understand-” 

“You’re right. I don’t. I don’t understand why you couldn’t tell me, but what hurts the most is that I don’t understand why you stopped trusting me,” She sniffled and looked away from him. 

Watching the flames flicker in the fireplace was a lot less painful than looking at his face. She couldn’t take it anymore. 

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you. It’s just...I couldn’t talk about it,” This time when he replied his voice was soft. Seeing her in pain was heartbreaking, and he knew she wasn’t the one who deserved his anger. 

“Help me understand Liv. Please.” 

“I will explain everything. I promise. I just-I can’t right now,” He knew she was right. 

She needed to tell him when she was ready not while he was yelling at her for leaving him. Besides, their reunion should be a happy one right?

“How are you getting into town? I didn’t see your car.” He offered a change of subject. 

“It’s in the back. I haven’t been out since last week. The snow-covered up the tire tracks,” She had a feeling he would worry she’d be stuck inside with no way to get help if there was an emergency. He was a detective after all, and it was obvious his overprotectiveness was still intact. He nodded and they stared at each other for a moment before she spoke again. “Do you want to sit down? I’ll get us some hot chocolate.” 

“Ok,” He saw a twinkle in her eye when he accepted her offer, and it reminded him of when he went to visit his mother a few years ago. 

She rarely had visitors and seemed to brighten up at the sight of another human being. Olivia was of course much younger, and due to whatever the trauma was that she endured was likely wary of strangers. Still, Elliot wondered if she got lonely up here. His heart ached to wonder how long it had been since she received a gentle touch or saw a smile. She did go out yes, but it didn’t seem like it was very often or like she had a neighbor stop by for tea now and then. Being isolated like this had to be hard. It wasn’t the same as the three days he spent in solitary confinement because she  _ could  _ leave if she felt up to it, but it still made him feel sad for her. 

He was brought out of his thoughts when she sat next to him on the couch and handed him a mug. 

“I put marshmallows in it. I don’t know if you still like that,” He gently covered her shaking hand with his. 

“It’s perfect Liv. Thank you,” Olivia gave him a small smile but moved her hand out from under his. 

Despite the therapy she had had she still felt ashamed of what happened. She felt like she deserved his anger, not his gentleness or his comfort after the way she left him. Plus, once he knew why she had left she feared he would hate her, that he would be disgusted by her. That was why, no matter how much it killed her to be away from him, she had ignored his calls for four years. The silence that followed wasn’t awkward but wasn’t completely comfortable either. Any attempt at small talk seemed to fall flat, and both of them had a plethora of questions for each other that they weren’t sure how to ask. 

“I uh...I made some cookies too if you want any. They’re in the fridge,” He raised an eyebrow in surprise, and for the first time in four years, he heard her laugh. He didn’t realize just how much he had missed the sound until he heard it. “I had to learn to cook if I was going to fend for myself out here. There’s no takeout delivery like in the city. I learned from Youtube. It helped me when I needed to get out of my head. I’d try a new recipe. Sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn’t, but I don’t think I’m too bad.” He grinned. 

“I’m sure they’re delicious and I would love to have one.” 

“Don’t make fun of me if they’re gross.”

“I would never. I promise,” While she walked to the fridge to fetch them he took the time to look around the cabin. 

She had brought most of her furniture and decorations, as well as a framed photo of them, and her television which was on top of the fireplace mantle. He was thankful that she had things to distract her from bad thoughts. He knew it wasn’t all paradise though. Even away from the city flashbacks, triggers, and nightmares still happened, and he hated that she had gone through it alone. 

“Here you go.” 

“Thank you.” She gave him a soft glare at the look on his face when he took a bite. “Wow, this is good.”

“Don’t act so surprised Stabler.” 

“It’s not that Liv, I just didn’t know you could cook,” He realized that didn’t sound any better. “I mean that this is the first time I’ve tried something of yours and it’s good.” He sighed in relief when she laughed again. 

“It’s fine El. I didn’t make these expecting to be Martha Stewart. It was just a solace,” She saw the concern return to his face before he could hide it. “At least it turned out better than when I tried painting.” She attempted humor again to lighten the solemn mood. 

“Painting?” 

“That was one of the first things my therapist suggested. I sucked at it and most of my stuff was dark and depressing because of my mood. I needed to find something though. I came dangerously close to becoming my mother,” He wasn’t sure if she meant the rape or the drinking, and he was scared to ask. She seemed to read his mind. 

“He didn’t get that far with me, El. Harris didn’t rape me. Fin got there in time,” He felt like a boulder had been lifted from his shoulders, and tears of relief sprang from his eyes. 

“Thank God,” He whispered. He knew she had still been through something horrible, but he prayed every night that she had been spared from that type of violation. “I thought...I didn’t know…” 

“I figured Fin told you.” 

“He wouldn’t tell me anything. I was so worried about you Olivia. I still worry every day because I never stopped loving you. No matter how much losing you hurt. I love you so much, and if you let me I will be here for you now, for whatever you need.” She was touched by his words but shook her head. 

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew. I did something horrible. Something unforgivable.” 

“Baby listen to me. What happened to you was not your fault. It was  _ his.  _ You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“How can you say that when you don’t know everything?”

“Because I  _ know you,  _ that’s why. Would you like me to give you the ‘you were a victim don’t blame yourself speech’? Because I will.” 

“This was different. I’m trained to know how to get out of those situations.” 

“Liv-” 

“Can we talk about something else? Please?” She couldn’t do this right now. She needed more time. 

“Ok.” He would do anything to make her feel better. 

“How are the kids?” She smiled at the way his eyes lit up when she mentioned his children.

“They’re great. Eli started preschool this year, and the twins will be graduating high school in May. I’m getting old,” He resisted the urge to drape his arm on the back of the couch as she leaned back to get comfortable. 

“Yeah, you are,” It felt nice to engage in some friendly banter despite the heavy, emotional conversation they still needed to have. 

“Hey!” 

“I miss them,” Things suddenly turned solemn again. 

“They miss you too.”

“How mad are they at me for leaving?” 

“They’re not. They miss you and worry about you just like I do.” 

“Except you  _ were _ mad at me.” 

“I was hurt. I was heartbroken and scared for you, but you’re not the one I’m really mad at Liv.” 

“I should be.”

“No, no you shouldn’t, and I shouldn’t have yelled at you earlier like that. I’m sorry.” She looked at him in disbelief. What was he doing apologizing to  _ her _ ?

“I figured you hated me. I’m scared that you  _ will  _ hate me.”

“I am not capable of hating you, Olivia Benson. Don’t you know that? It’s just not possible,” He smiled reassuringly. “How could I hate someone who’s had my heart for so long? How could I stay mad at someone I love so much.” She sniffled, and he wanted to pull her into his arms when he saw tears in her eyes again. 

“Because you don’t know what-”

“Sweetheart, please look at me,” The term of endearment was used to emphasize his loyal affection towards her. “Unconditional love means that doesn’t matter, okay?” He knew whatever she thought she needed to confess to wasn’t her fault, but even if it was, his feelings would remain the same. “Can I hold you for a second?” He didn’t know if she would accept or reject his comfort right now, but he had to try. She leaned into him and to his relief, allowed him to wrap his arms around her. She buried her head in the crook of his neck and closed her eyes, inhaling his scent that always made her feel secure. He kissed her temple lightly and left his lips against her hair as he spoke. “I won’t pretend I wasn’t hurt or upset, but I also know that something terrible happened to you that shattered your soul, and all I want is to help pick up the pieces and glue them back together.” 

“What if you can’t? What if I’m too broken to be fixed?” He tightened his arms around her and stroked her hair lovingly. 

“We’re all a little broken. That’s why we lean on each other. Together we can be whole.” She snuggled deeper into him. 

“I missed you so much. I know it was my fault for keeping you away, but El you gotta know, I hated being away from you. There were so many nights I couldn’t sleep because I felt cold and just wanted to be in your arms. There were so many days where it was too quiet, and I longed to hear your voice. I didn’t have the courage to pick up the phone, but sometimes I’d hear your voice in my head and it helped with the loneliness.” 

“I missed you too, love. I never stopped thinking about you,” He kissed her head sweetly again, and they enjoyed the comfort of each other’s embrace for a while until she pulled back. 

“El?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I want to explain everything, but I think I need a break from the emotional part of this reunion for a bit. This might seem like an odd request, but it  _ is  _ almost Christmas. I brought some of my decorations from our apartment, and I have a tree. Would you want to help me make this place look a little brighter before we dig into the dark stuff?” 

“I’d love to.” 

The rest of the afternoon was spent doing everything to avoid the elephant in the room. Olivia took the boxes of decorations out of the closet while Elliot put her tree together. They hung a wreath on the door, lined the mantle with garland, lit some candles, and placed various other decorative items around the room. Then, they decorated the tree together and made a fresh batch of cookies after they finished eating the ones Olivia had in the fridge. Elliot was surprised because from what he remembered about his partner, she rarely decorated for the holidays. The only reason she had the first year they were together was because she wasn’t alone anymore, and the kids were coming over, so she wanted them to have a normal Christmas. He knew this year though it was probably a good distraction from her pain, and since it was something that made her happy and didn’t hurt her, he would support it wholeheartedly. 

That evening, after the work was done and everything looked festive, they cuddled on the couch under a blanket. As the fireplace radiated the cabin, the hot chocolate warmed their throats, but Olivia’s veins rapidly turned to ice when she realized there was no going back now, no more distractions. 

She had to tell him. 

She had to face whatever his reaction would be, and even though he had promised her over and over that he still loved her and nothing would change, that he wasn’t leaving her, the shame was eating away at her, and she feared that pretty soon there would be nothing left. 

Elliot could see her staring intently at the tree, but he could tell it wasn’t because she was admiring it or rethinking the placement of an ornament. There was a storm cloud hanging over her, and he needed to offer her an umbrella before she got trapped in the downpour alone again. 

“You’re thinking loudly.” 

“I am? Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Just tell me what I can do,” His voice was her steadying force, his arms were her shelter. Even after all this time. They always had been. They always would be.

Just tell him. 

At least she wouldn’t have to agonize over what he would think of her anymore, and maybe she could sleep without nightmares for once. 

She looked into the blue eyes that had anchored her for a decade, took a deep breath, and spoke.

“What do you want to know?” 

“I want to know what has been haunting you all these years, sweetheart, and why you didn’t think you could tell me.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter involves discussion of what happened at Sealview, so trigger warnings for assault and attempted rape apply. I’m also deviating from the storyline a bit, so a trigger warning for other heavy subject matter applies as well. Please proceed with caution.

“I want to know what has been haunting you all these years, sweetheart, and why you didn’t think you could tell me.” 

She looked away from his burning gaze and chose to focus on an ornament towards the top of the tree. It was one that had been pulled from a box her mother had when she was young; an angel that had lost its shine over the years. It had scratches from moving around in the box because when her mother would put ornaments in the box with no bubble wrap, no way to protect them from the dents and wears and tears of life. 

Reminisce of the way she raised her daughter. 

Olivia was forced to grow up too fast. She never had a shelter. She never had supportive packing. She was just tossed in a box and expected to fend for herself. She had spent her entire life taking care of herself. She was strong, she was. She  _ had  _ to be, or so she thought. She always prided herself on being independent and able to take on the world. 

Her mother had never mended the cracks in her wings, she had never replaced the rusted hook that was probably forty years old by the time Olivia inherited the Christmas decorations. Even though they were in bad shape Olivia never bothered to get rid of them. She wanted to care for them the way she wished her mother had for her. She wanted to store them in bubble wrap, get new hooks, try to fix the scratches, and cracks in the fragile trinkets. 

The way Elliot had done for her. 

Throughout their partnership, Elliot had given her the support and care her mother hadn’t. He had her back, he protected her, but he also respected her independence. He kept her safe and encouraged her not to give up. He believed in her the way no one else ever had. He made her feel less fragile. No one before him had ever told her she didn’t have to face the world alone. He was the sturdy branch that allowed her to spread her wings. The bubble wrap that kept her from breaking. He was her constant. Her “no matter what”. Her for better or worse. He was always there. Always. 

Then he wasn’t. 

She knew that was her fault. She had pushed him away because Lowell Harris had taken any shine she had left and turned it to rust. He had erased whatever dignity and happiness she had. She felt filthy, damaged, fragile, broken, and like everything about herself she’d worked so hard to prove over the years had been shattered. She no longer felt strong. She felt weak. She felt like trash that needed to be discarded. He deserved better than her. He deserved the brand new, shiny, expensive ornaments that wouldn’t crack so easily. He deserved the ornament that was strong without bubble wrap. 

She wanted to tell him she changed her mind, that she shouldn’t have contacted him, that she should have let him live his life, and just allowed her to finish rotting away. She wanted to tell him to go to the store and buy a box of ornaments he could be proud of when he got back to the city. 

“Liv,” His voice broke her out of her anguished thoughts. “We don’t have to do this now,” Why did he always have to be so goddamn understanding? Didn’t he realize he was wasting his time on her? Didn’t he realize she wasn’t supposed to be loved? She wasn’t supposed to be fixed. She was supposed to be tossed in a box to make room on the tree for the ornaments that deserved to be on there. Even before Sealview, if her genes were any indication, she never should have even been for sale. The manufacturer shouldn’t have put her in with the rest in the shipping box. 

Yes, they did have to do this now because she owed it to him for putting up with her all these years when she didn’t deserve it. 

“I don’t know how to start,” Part of her wished Fin had told him the majority of the story so she wouldn’t have to, but the truth was there was a lot Fin didn’t know either. She swallowed hard. “You know there was a TB outbreak right?” 

“Yeah. Warner tried to get Cragen to take you out, but it was already too late,” He would never get over the guilt of knowing if they had found out about the outbreak sooner they could have spared her the pain she’s carried all these years. It still ate away at him no matter how much the squad told him it wasn’t his fault. 

“Well, there was a riot because we were upset that they weren’t giving us information about it. One of the CO’s, Matthew Parker, who we were originally looking at as the suspect thought I’d started it. He told Harris to take me to the hole in C block,” She paused and looked at Elliot when she continued, pleading with her eyes for him to believe her. “I never would have let him take me down to that basement if I had known-” 

“But you didn’t. He wasn’t on our radar. You had no reason to suspect him. For all you knew he was saving you from Parker,” She shuddered at the irony. 

“I asked him where we were going because the hole was in a different direction. I knew something seemed off, and I should’ve done something.” 

“Olivia-”

“Please let me finish,” Talking about it already made her feel sick, and she didn’t want the conversation to drag on more than it needed to. “I asked him what he wanted,” She gripped the couch cushion to stop her hands from trembling. “He-I saw the mattress. He pushed me toward it and-and said…”

_ What every man wants and you’re gonna give it to me.  _

“He-”

_ Where do you think you’re going, fish?  _

She felt like screaming. She needed the voice in her head to stop. She needed...she needed.

“Breathe Liv. That’s it. Just breathe. You’re safe now,” Elliot’s voice pulled her back to the surface. “You’re safe. If this is too much-”

“No, no I can do this,” She hadn’t fallen yet. She was still dangling from the branch. 

“Ok,” He resisted the urge to wrap her in his arms in case she needed space right now. He hoped she knew she could seek his comfort if needed. 

“He uh...he t-tied my hands with something and threw me down on the mattress. I-” Her body convulsed as she tried to suppress the sobs bubbling in her throat. If she fell apart now she would never get through this. “I’ve never been so scared in my life Elliot. I was screaming, and he kept taunting me, saying no one could hear me down there. I managed to get away before he could get on top of me, but he grabbed me and-” She let out a strangled sob that cracked Elliot’s heart. “He pushed me up against the wall. I couldn’t move. I just...froze. I could feel him p-pressing against me, and I thought...I thought that was it. I thought I was about to become my mother, and I felt so ashamed because I should have been able to get out of that situation-”

“How?” Even though she had asked him not to interrupt her he couldn’t help himself. He may not have been there to protect her then, but he needed to protect her from self-destruction now. He hoped she would let him. “Babe, you didn’t have a gun. You only had one person as a backup, and he had no idea where you were. Your life was in danger. Harris could have  _ killed _ you. He was armed, you weren’t. There was nothing you could have done.” 

“I should have done something!” She half yelled, half sobbed. “I just stood there and was gonna just  _ take  _ it! Do you know how fucking pathetic that is!?”

“It’s not pathetic.” 

“El-”

“Think about what you would have said to a victim we were working within that situation,” She didn’t respond, so he continued. “You  _ did _ get away that time right? It wouldn’t have mattered if you didn’t, but you did,” She looked away from him again and back at the tree. 

It looked sad without its lights on. It made her think of how her light had been snuffed out in that basement four years ago. She got up and Elliot wondered if he had pushed her to open up to him too soon. He watched as she walked towards the tree and reached for the light switch. When he realized her hands were shaking too much to turn the lights on he got up to help. He was careful not to go directly behind her in case that triggered her, he stayed in her peripheral vision. 

“Here I got it,” His voice was soft and laced with concern. “Better?” She breathed a sigh of relief when the lights flickered on. 

Something was comforting about the tree being lit up. It made her soul feel less dark. 

“Yeah,” Her eyes locked onto a lonely branch at the bottom of the tree. 

It didn’t have an ornament on it because it wasn’t able to be fluffed enough to hold one. It was dusty, wilted, abandoned. She wondered if that was how Elliot felt when she left him. 

“You ok?” 

“Yeah,” The crack in her voice told him otherwise. 

“Can I do something? What do you need?” 

“I don’t know,” There was an orange ornament on the branch next to the lonely one. 

It was a small glass basketball one from her mother’s high school days. She wasn’t sure if it was that it was the same color as her jumpsuit at Sealview if it was that it belonged to her mother or a combination of both, but looking at it made her nauseous. 

She turned to Elliot again and his calming swirls of blue. She felt like she could breathe a little easier when she looked into them. The trouble was she feared what the look on his face would be when she told him certain things. For now, though, she could seek refuge. 

“Talk to me.”

“I uh...can you....” 

“Yeah?” Even with the fireplace going she noticed the room felt cold. She was shivering and her skin was crawling. “Come here, Liv,” He was thankful when she let him put his arms around her and snuggled into his warmth. He felt her release a shuddery breath. “Better?” He swayed her in his arms from side to side to comfort and ground her in the present. 

“Yes.” 

“Do you want to stay here or go back to the couch?” 

“I don’t care. Just don’t let go,” She gripped him tighter. 

”I won’t,” She rested her head in the crook of his neck, inhaled his scent, and placed her hand over his heartbeat, allowing the things that made him Elliot to soothe her. Then she took a deep breath and continued. 

“My hands were still tied behind my back, but when he started to put his hand inside my pants I managed to kick him and run. I hid behind some boxes and chairs which was probably stupid because it didn’t take him long to find me. I managed to get my hands untied.” 

_ She whimpered when his baton struck and dragged along the chain link surrounding the storage across from where she was hiding. She would never get that god-awful sound out of her head.  _

“When he...I don’t even know how to describe how horrifying that sound was.”

“The metal against metal?” She nodded against him. 

“It was so...awful. I tried to cover my ears but it was so deafening. It echoed since we were in a basement which made it ten times worse. I uh-” She paused hoping he wouldn’t think she was weak when he heard the next part. 

“It’s ok. You can tell me.” He reassured her and stroked her hair soothingly as he held her. 

“I needed the sound to stop, El. I knew what he would do to me if he found me, but I needed the sound to stop!” 

“I know, honey. I know. It’s alright.” 

_ “Ok, you win.”  _

“He grabbed me again and...he…” She sobbed. “He threw me down and then...he used the baton to beat me. That was when he broke my ribs and…” She trailed off. She couldn’t tell him that part yet. “When he was done I was laying on the floor bleeding. It hurt so bad. I was so sure he was going to kill me. Then he-” 

_ Bite me and you’re dead.  _

“He dragged me to the door and handcuffed me. Not that I would have been able to get away anyway after that. He held me by the throat and throttled. He p-pulled down his p-pants and...exposed himself. He tried to...he said he’d kill me if I bit him and...but then Fin got there before he could.” 

The tears that had filled his eyes as he listened to her tell him about her ordeal spilled over. 

“Thank God,” He wanted to hug Fin. 

The other stuff that had been done to her still made him angry, sick, and heartbroken, but he was thankful to know the love of his life had been spared from  _ something.  _ Bile rose in his throat, however, when he remembered something she said earlier and realized there was more.

_ I did something horrible, El. Something unforgivable.  _

What else did that bastard make her do? Was she leaving something out? Did Fin not get there as soon as she said? 

He held her in silence for a few minutes. He knew the conversation had taken a toll on her emotionally and wanted to let her rest before he asked about anything else. 

She pulled away from him and walked to the kitchen to stare out the window. If she was going to tell him this next part it couldn’t be in the comfort of his arms. 

She didn’t deserve his comfort for this. 

“Livia?” 

“I’m sorry El.” 

“You’re-baby you don’t have anything to apologize for. Do you hear me? Nothing,” The word ‘baby’ felt like a dagger in her already punctured heart. 

“I wouldn’t have gone undercover if I had known, Elliot. I swear, I wouldn’t have,” Her voice cracked. 

“If you had known what?” He had a feeling she wasn’t just talking about the attack. His heart stopped at her next words. 

“That I was pregnant,” She sobbed. “I had no idea and if I did I never would have gone. I never would have done something that dangerous and risked hurting our baby.” 

“You-you were...pregnant?” His mind was still attempting to process the words. 

They had been trying to conceive for months and had gotten to a point where they worried it would never happen. They were planning on looking into infertility treatments, but then when they caught the Sealview case things changed. 

“I-you’re gonna be so ashamed of me. You’re gonna hate me.” 

“No, no sweetheart I promise I’m not. I’m not upset with you. Please, tell me.” He spoke tenderly and walked closer to her, but still allowed her space. 

“When I went to the hospital to get checked out they noticed some spotting. They were concerned about the injuries to my stomach and possibly internal bleeding. They did an ultrasound to check and-and told me that I-” She gripped the counter as the grief threatened to consume her. “I’d had a miscarriage,” She finally sobbed out and his heart shattered. “It might have been my only chance to be a mother and I-Gah!” She took a plate from the sink and threw it on the ground. 

“Oh, Liv,” How could she think he would ever blame her for that? 

“I wanted a family with you! It was all I have wanted for so long and I blew it!” 

“No, you-” Her grief was mixed with frustration at his understanding tone. She didn’t understand why he wasn’t furious with her.

“I got our child killed, El! Your child!”

“No!” He finally came out of the shocked state. “No, you didn’t. That wasn’t your fault you, hear me!? It wasn’t your fault,” A sob of grief ripped from his own throat as he wrapped her tightly in his arms again. He hated this. He hated that she had experienced this kind of agony. It was a pain no parent should ever have to experience. “I’m so sorry Livia. I’m so sorry,” She tried to push him away with her fists but he held her securely until her head eventually fell against his chest and her hands clung to his sweater as they cried together. Four years of grief, of pain, of heartache, poured out in buckets. 

Their child. 

He’d dreamed about having a family with her since he met her and the fact that in one day that dream had been obliterated was heart-wrenching. They hadn’t even gotten the chance. They hadn’t even gotten to find out she was pregnant and then spend months planning for their future. They hadn’t gotten the excitement of sharing the news with their loved ones. They didn’t get to experience the moments the product of their love first came into the world. They didn’t spend the last four years working so hard, to watch a bundle of joy finally grow, only to have it never come to be. It wasn’t right. 

It wasn’t right. 

There weren’t words to describe how much he hated Lowell Harris for doing this to them. 

It was  _ Christmas _ . They should be at home hanging stockings for their toddler and making sure presents were wrapped and that there were milk and cookies for Santa. 

They shouldn’t be in a cabin in the mountains sobbing over what could’ve been. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He pulled back and cupped her face in his. He wiped her tears away but they continued flowing. “You never should have gone through that alone.” 

“I couldn’t face you after that El. I didn’t know how. I thought maybe it was a sign that I shouldn’t be a mother. That the miscarriage happened to spare our baby from how much I would have screwed them up.” 

“That’s not true.”

“I felt like I let you down. I felt like I had betrayed you. I didn’t know how you could want to be partners with a cop that almost let herself get raped. I didn’t think you’d trust someone that weak to have your back. I didn’t-”

“Liv-” 

“I didn’t know how you could love a woman who killed your child. I didn’t know how you could ever want to look at her touch me because of how filthy I felt.” 

“Olivia-” 

“So I left,” She sniffled. “I found this cabin online. I gave Cragen my papers. I was too weak, too damaged to be a cop. I listened to every one of your voicemails, but I was too scared to call you back. I didn’t think I could take it if you were upset or disgusted. Even if you weren't, you deserved better, and I...I thought it would be too painful to see you fall in love with someone else.” 

“I never have, and I never will.” 

“You should.”

“No. I love  _ you _ . You’re not filthy, you didn’t kill anyone, you didn’t betray me, you didn’t let me down. I’m not disgusted. I’m not upset. I would absolutely still trust you to be my partner, both at work and in life. You are  _ not  _ weak, and I  _ never _ want to hear that word used to describe the love of my life again,” The only response he received was a sniffle. “You are the strongest person I know, Olivia.” 

“I’m not.” 

“You  _ are _ .” 

“Elliot-” 

“Let me finish, please. You  _ do  _ deserve to be a mother, and he took that from you. From us. It was  _ nothing _ you did.  _ He _ is the one who beat you and caused you to lose the baby. You did  _ not kill our child.  _ Harris did,” Hearing his name made her shiver and Elliot tightened his arms around her. “You don’t deserve guilt or shame or anger or disgust. You deserve compassion. You deserve love. You deserve to be able to grieve. It’s okay to grieve Olivia.” 

“I’ve been grieving for four years, El.” 

“Alone. You’ve been suffering alone and beating yourself up for four years. We’ve never been able to mourn our child together, Liv. Harris robbed us of that chance,” She shook her head.

“But I chose to leave.”

“You wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t gone through such a traumatic ordeal. Place the blame where it belongs, sweetheart. Let yourself grieve. Let it out. It’s okay. I’ve got you now. Let me carry some of the burden. Let me lighten your load.”

She released a wail that shook him to his core at his words. He knew she was releasing the pain she had kept locked inside that she didn’t think she deserved to feel. They cried together, grieving their loss together for several minutes before she spoke again.

“I never got to say hello or goodbye. I never got to say goodbye to you either. I just left and what if you-you weren’t-”

“But I am. I’m still here. We don’t have to say goodbye. I promise.” 

“El?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I know you don’t blame me, but can you tell me you forgive me? I’ve been needing to hear it for a long time.” 

“I forgive you. There is nothing to forgive, but I forgive you and I want you to forgive yourself, okay? Promise me you’ll try?”

“I’ll try,” She sniffled. It wouldn’t be easy, but for him, she would. 

“Okay.” 

**X**

She slept in her bed instead of on the couch for the next two nights. It was rare for her because normally she slept on the couch to avoid nightmares, although, that didn’t always help. With Elliot next to her though, she managed to get a full night’s rest for once.

She snuggled deeper into his arms and clung to him, unwilling to let him go even in slumber. When his alarm went off she whimpered and held him tighter. She knew he had to go back to the city. Their Christmas reunion was over. Her heart ached to go back with him, but the fear still lingered. She had left for a reason. She had spent four years hiding away from the horrors of what happened in the basement. She couldn’t go back. She couldn’t relive the memories that had haunted her everyday since. She couldn’t face her former colleagues who still didn’t know what had happened. What would they think of her? 

She felt the man holding her move as he turned off the alarm. He slowly tried to get out of bed but stopped when he heard her sob.

“Honey-” His voice was gentle as he wrapped his arms back around her. “I-I can’t stay,” His voice cracked along with his heart as he said those words, and she gripped him like a lifeline. 

“Please don’t let go,” He swallowed the lump in his throat. 

“Livia I-”

“No, I feel safe here. I haven’t felt safe in so long,” Her grip was beginning to hurt and it tore at his heart to see her like this. 

“Baby, come home with me.  _ Please. _ ” Her responding sob gutted him. 

“I-I can’t.” 

“No one has to know. You don’t have to talk to anyone until you’re ready. Just let me take you home. I’ve still got the apartment. It’s still just me there. Please,” He pleaded. She hesitated before responding. 

“I can’t have you put your life on hold for me Elliot. I just...I don’t know.” 

“You  _ are _ my life. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love you so much,” She swallowed at the magnitude of his words. For years, they were each other’s lifeline. For so long after walking away she was convinced he would no longer feel the same way, but she could see in his eyes that nothing had changed, that what they had laid dormant between them and was still just as alive as it was in her eyes. Tears pricked her vision. 

“I...I need to think about it.”

“Ok. I understand,” As much as it hurt he didn’t want to push her. She cleared her throat to try and appear stronger than she felt and slowly loosened her grip on his shirt.

“You have to go back though.”

“I-we’re short-staffed at the squad, I can’t...Cragen said they needed all hands on deck for this latest case, or I’d-” She knew he was struggling and gave him a shaky, reassuring smile.

‘I know, El. It’s ok.”

“When you...when you decide, call me, ok? I’ll come to get you or if you...if you can’t...I’ll come to visit now that I know you’re here.”

“Ok,” She whispered and he pulled her in for a long, loving kiss.

“No matter what Livia, I love you. That will never change.”

“I love you too, El,” She sniffled and turned away from him. “Now get out of here.” 

“Liv-”

“Please. The longer you stay the harder it is to let you go.” 

“Ok,” He kissed her head gently and reluctantly moved away. He then gathered his belongings and placed them into his suitcase. Once he had it zipped up he spoke again. “I’ll call you when I get home.”

She nodded and squeezed her eyes shut as the door closed. She didn’t turn around. Watching him drive away would have been too painful. 

Like her mother’s ornament, she was back in the box with no bubble wrap again. 

Like the branch at the bottom of the tree, he would once again have to face the winds alone. 

She went to the living room and turned the tree lights back on. The angel ornament caught her eye again. It looked different than it had when she put it up. The way the sun reflected on it gave it a shine she thought it had lost. A shine that hadn’t been there before Elliot’s visit. It looked a little less fragile, a little more strong. 

She wondered if the same could happen to her. 

The thought had her grabbing her cell phone. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Soooo is she going home? What do we think? Chapter three will tell! 
> 
> Thanks to my beta FragileVixenFic!


	3. There's No Place Like Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m back to finish this mini-fic. I hope this last part makes up for the heartbreak of the first two chapters. Enjoy!

“Stabler,” His heart skipped a beat. Was she calling to tell him she decided to come home? “Livia?” He questioned when she didn’t answer.

“Umm...I…” She suddenly couldn’t find the words. She wanted to come home, but she couldn’t seem to tell him that. 

“Are you okay? Did something happen? What’s wrong?” 

“I’m okay. I don’t even know why I called.”

“Did I leave something there?” 

“No, I don’t think so. I just-I was looking at the tree, and the next thing I knew the phone was in my hand,” He chuckled. 

“Are you getting old on me, Benson?” 

“Maybe, I just miss you already,” His smile dropped. 

_ Then come home  _ was what he wanted to say, but he didn’t. He knew he couldn’t push her. 

“I miss you too, sweetheart. I’ll call you as soon as I get home. I love you.” 

“I love you. Drive safe.”

After hanging up, she stood in the middle of the living room looking at the picture on her lockscreen. It was of them at Rockefeller center the Christmas before Sealview happened. She was leaning against his chest, and his arms were wrapped around her waist. Their foreheads were together and he’d just pulled her in for a loving kiss in front of the tree. Tears pricked her vision. Their relationship hadn’t been without complications, but this picture was a reminder of a simpler time. A time before trauma, before loss, grief, and heartache. She missed it so damn much. 

She missed _ him _ so damn much. 

It had been less than an hour since he left, but she felt cold without his arms around her. 

She craved his voice, his touch, every aspect of his presence. She had no idea how she’d made it without him these last four years. She just knew she was done. 

She couldn’t take it anymore. 

She was glad she hadn’t told him her decision, though. She wanted to surprise him. After all the grief she’d put him through, it was the least she could do. Christmas was in two days, so she knew she wouldn’t be able to get a moving truck before then. Still, she could pack what would fit in her car and drive to Elliot’s apartment. They could come get the rest of her stuff later. 

After she cleaned up she went to get her luggage and the packing boxes from her closet. She spent the next three hours packing as much as she thought would fit. The ornaments were wrapped carefully in bubble wrap and placed in the box with the other decorations. 

When he called to let her know he’d made it home safe she tried not to let her voice give away her news. She promised him she’d let him know as soon as she came to a decision and told him she’d send a Christmas present. He, of course, told her she didn’t have to do that. The short time they were able to spend together was worth more than any money could buy. Besides, he hadn’t gotten her anything, so it didn’t seem fair for her to spend money on him when he couldn’t reciprocate. 

He asked her if she had thought anymore about what they discussed this morning, but she told him she needed a couple more days to decide. She would call him on Christmas and try to give him a more definite answer. He accepted that, not wanting to make her feel pressured. Before they ended the call, he told her he loved her, and that if the nightmares came back tonight she could call him. It didn’t matter what time it was. Now that she was back in his life he was going to do whatever he could to help her heal even if it had to be from a distance. 

On Christmas eve, she drove into town and went to a gift shop. Even though his present would technically be her it had been awhile since she had spent money on him. She picked out something simple, a blue beanie. When he had been there the other day she noticed as a result of being a few years older he had less hair on his scalp, and she wanted him to be warm. Plus, she had always loved the color blue on him. It matched his eyes. 

On Christmas morning, he texted her and told her they’d have to wait and talk tonight. The squad got a lead on their case, and he would likely not be home until after dinnertime. She responded, telling him that would be fine, then continued loading boxes into her car. 

By lunchtime, she was back in the city she hadn’t called home in four years. She swallowed a lump in her throat as she was suddenly overcome with emotion. She had missed this place. Despite the painful memories that had caused her to leave and still haunted her all these years later, she had missed it. 

She drove by the precinct and considered surprising Elliot there, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to see everyone else yet. Surprising him at his apartment like she had originally planned would be easier. 

She was glad he still had the same apartment because she still had her old key to it. She hadn’t considered the fact that he might have gotten the locks changed. If he had she’d have to rethink how to surprise him. 

As she waited for the elevator she was thankful no one else was in the lobby. She knew people who had known her would have a lot of questions she wasn’t yet ready to answer. She made it to Elliot’s door and put the key in the lock. When she stepped inside she was struck by the fact that even after the way she left, the apartment seemed to welcome her back with open arms. It was a small, cozy space, and everything about it screamed ‘Elliot’. It made her feel so safe, and she knew that feeling would grow when the man who owned it returned from work. She noticed her favorite hoodie of his was draped over the couch, and she slipped it on. Tears sprung to her eyes as she inhaled his scent that she had missed so much. 

She was  _ home. _

Physically anyway. She knew she wouldn’t feel complete until Elliot walked in the door, but this was a good start. 

Now all she had to do was wait. 

**X**

He sighed as he pulled into the parking spot at his apartment building. The case kept getting more complicated and was weighing heavily on him emotionally as cases involving kids usually did. He just wanted to go inside, grab a beer from the fridge, and call Olivia. Even if she had decided to stay at the cabin, hearing her voice would make his day a little less shitty. 

He loved her so damn much. 

He smiled sadly when he glanced at his phone and saw the picture of her that had been on his lockscreen for as long as he could remember. He rubbed his eyes and got out of the car. Once he made it inside and up to his floor he thought he heard sounds coming from inside his apartment. There was no sign of forced entry, so he considered that perhaps he had forgotten to turn the TV off when he left for work this morning, or one of his kids had come over. 

The sight he was met with when he opened the door caused a lump to form in his throat.

“Merry Christmas, El,” Her own eyes were teary as she smiled at him.  _ Your present should be there by evening on Christmas _ . That’s what she had told him on my phone. Did she mean...

“Olivia?” It seemed too good to be true.

“I came home,” Unable to form words he cupped her cheek in his hand and kissed her sweetly as their tears of joy mixed together. 

“Are you...are you really...for good?” He choked out.

“For good.”

“Oh my love,”  _ My Liv.  _ He wrapped her tightly in his arms, enveloping her in a protective embrace like he was her bubble wrap, and she was his precious decoration he would proudly place on his Christmas tree. She returned the embrace, holding him as tightly as he held her. Never again would he have to be the lonely branch. 

Never again would she be the ornament tossed in a box with no care. She was home. With someone who loved her despite her dents and cracks, and wear and tear, and tarnish, and dust. Someone who loved her despite the faults in her manufacturing, despite her belief that she was undeserving. It wouldn’t always be easy, but tonight she could release a breath she had been holding for four years. 

She was  _ home _ . 

_ They _ were home. 

At last. 

**X**

**Two Years Later**

She smiled as she felt his arms wrap around her from behind, and leaned against his chest as she mixed the ingredients for the pie she was making. It had taken time for her to feel comfortable being held like this again after Sealview, but he always made sure to approach her from the side, so she could see him in her peripheral vision, and know it was him. He kissed her neck softly and inhaled her scent. 

“Something smells good,” His breath against her ear made her shiver, and she giggled. 

The giggle turned into a moan when he nibbled on her ear lobe and sucked on a spot behind her ear. She felt something stirring low in her belly and wiggled against him. 

“Down boy. They’re gonna be here any minute,” If someone had told her just a few years ago that she would be cooking Christmas dinner for ten people: her and Elliot, his kids, his mother, and the significant others of his two oldest daughters, she would have told them they were crazy. 

He chuckled and moved away from her, reaching for a gingerbread cookie instead. She swatted his hand away. 

“No! You can wait and eat dessert after dinner like everyone else,” She laughed when he pouted, and gave him a peck on the lips. He could be such a child sometimes, but she loved him for it. “Why don’t you go make yourself useful, and set the table while I put this in the oven? No sneaking bites!” She teased. He gave her a sexy growl and nipped her jawline. 

“El!” 

“I’m sorry. If I can’t taste your delicious food yet can I taste your delicious lips?” She laughed out loud. 

“You did  _ not _ just say that. Fine, one kiss. Try anything else, and I will knee you in the balls.”

“Yes ma’am,” He kissed her deeply and slowly, but with passion. They moaned as their tongues explored, and her panties began to feel wet and tight against her skin. Damn him. Before either of them had a chance to pull away the door opened.

“Ewwwww!” 

“On Jesus’s birthday? Really you two?” They rolled their eyes at the reactions from Elliot’s offspring. 

“You’re one to talk, Richard,” Elliot was interrupted by his mother’s voice floating into the room. 

“Well I think it’s sweet. Maybe I’ll get a new grandbaby.”

“Mom,” He warned and wrapped an arm around Olivia’s shoulders. 

Since the miscarriage, kids were a sensitive topic for her, and he didn’t want her to be upset on Christmas even if the comment wasn’t ill intentioned. 

“Oh, I’m sorry dear.” 

“It’s alright,” Olivia smiled warmly. “Merry Christmas.” 

**X**

“Thank you for the food, Mrs. Stabler. It was delicious,” Kathleen’s boyfriend Dylan complimented after they were done eating. 

“You’re welcome, and there’s no need to be formal. Call me, Olivia.”

“I’m good with Mr. Stabler,” Olivia rolled her eyes at Elliot’s smugness. When it came to the people dating his girls he seemed to enjoy being intimidating. 

“El, be nice,” She warned. Kathleen gave her a thankful glance.

“Listen to your wife, dad.” 

_ Your wife.  _

_ Mrs. Stabler. _

That would never fail to make her heart swell. She still couldn’t believe after everything they had been through that they had made it here. She wouldn’t trade her family for the world. She smiled at Elliot knowing he was thinking the same thing.

Little did he know, next Christmas their family would be even bigger. 

**X**

After dessert was eaten and presents were opened, the family sat down to watch Christmas Vacation together. Then, as everyone got up to leave, they were each given a bag of Olivia’s cookies and some other leftovers. 

Once their guests had left, the newly married couple collapsed on the couch wrapped in each other’s arms. Olivia found herself captivated by the way her wedding ring seemed to shine under the light. 

“What are you thinking about Mrs. Stabler?” Elliot’s voice spoke softly in her ear, and she snuggled deeper into him as he kissed her head. 

“How happy I am that I came home. I don’t even want to think about how different things would be right now if I hadn’t,” He grinned against her temple.

“The day you came home was one of the best days of my life. I think the only thing that topped it was our wedding day. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a better present.” 

“I love you,” She lifted her head to pull him into a kiss. 

“I love you more. Merry Christmas, baby,” She smiled and wormed her way out of his embrace. 

“That reminds me. I have one more present for you. I wanted to give you this one out of the public eye,” His blood immediately rushed south, and she rolled her eyes at the look on his face. “Not lingerie.” 

“What a shame,” He teased as she handed him a rectangular box. She bit her lip, awaiting his reaction when he opened it. 

He stared at the pregnancy test in silence for a couple of minutes before looking back at her. The plus sign nearly made him tear up, and he wondered when he had become such a softie. 

“Are you serious?” She nodded. 

“I’m pregnant, El. We’re having a baby,” Instead of responding with words he kissed her hard, pouring as much love as he could into it. “Merry Christmas, daddy.” 

“Merry Christmas, mommy.” 

Like Serena’s ornaments, they had been given a second chance at having their own family. It was a Christmas miracle neither of them knew what they did to deserve. 

Olivia looked at the tree. The same one that had been with her in the cabin with the lonely branch and the angel that had gotten its shine back.

“Thank you,” She whispered. 

Her eyes settled on the ornament they had gotten in memory of the baby they never got to meet. It was a star that was placed at the top of the tree. Even though the ornaments couldn’t reply to her she could’ve sworn there was a twinkle in the angel’s eye that hadn’t been there before.

She too, felt like she had a shine that wasn’t present during the four years she was away. The cabin had never been her home. This was. Wrapped in her husband’s arms with their hands over her belly, protecting the soon-to-be addition to their family. 

And for the holidays, there was no place like home. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Done! I hope everyone had a good holiday season. I know this year has been tough and Christmas wasn’t the same this year, but hopefully next year will be better. Thanks for reading! I’ve got two weeks left of break and am hoping to update When Her Partner Comes Home and Father of Mine before classes start again. 
> 
> Thanks to my beta FragileVixenFic!

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: How’s that for a cliffhanger? Chapter two will be her story, and chapter three...well you’ll just have to read and find out! Thanks for reading and please review!
> 
> Thank you to my beta FragileVixenFic!


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